MISSION TO MARS ~ Part 2 of 2

Having recently been Sacked from my job as a furniture salesman

(limited sales all-round, me = least days, least experience). I was feeling more Martian than usual. I also had a lot of free time on my hands & a tele. On the tele I saw an ad for the Mars Rock Exhibition. Not only can you see it, YOU CAN TOUCH IT.

So I think… WHAT THE FUCK! [1]



So that is how ALL THIS started. [2] And a good thing, too, otherwise there’d be no this. And I don’t think anybody’d want that!


So there you go. [3]

But what is Mars? [4]

I’ve asked around but no one’s being much help. (Although I did procure the following –

SMILE THRU THE BULLSHIT
MILES THRU THE HORSELICKS
BUSHES ON THE MARS
BUSHES ON THE MARS
MILES AND MILES OF
NO ATMOSPHERE
ATMOSPHERICS
A SMILE ON MARS
LIKE MILES ON GRASS.

– so it wasn’t a complete waste)


But what is Ma—

—Give me a chance already! Sheesh Louise!

Can’t a man indulge in a little indulgence?


“Patience is bitter but the fruit is sweet.” [5]

I’m just setting the scene baby, just setting the scene.

All THIS is just to get you to realise the truth –

WHAT MARS IS
&
WHAT IS MARS

– are two totally different things.

Once you understand that, baby

I can finish setting the scene, dig.


Note: Yes, I DID do some ACTUAL RESEARCH on Mars!!! Latest edge, cutting science shit! I was going to save it, oh fuck it, the cat’s out of the box & it’s alive! Here’s a sample –

“Mars, fiery in colour, is due north at midnight (opposite to the sun, or “in opposition” as the astronomers say) at intervals of about two years and two months.”

So Mars is?

No! Man! No! “So Mars is?” Is the same as “What is Mars?” & in no way equates “What Mars is” – please understand this so I can have now finished setting the scene, dig? [6]

~

-Footsies-

[1] WHAT THE FUCK! – 1. They’ve got a Mars rock 2. You can Touch it! 3. I’ll go!

[2] Sure snowballed, didn’t it?

[3] {...} “Mars is a spiritual quest…” Just thought I’d mention it. NO SHIT SHERLOCK! You just did!

[4] Here we go again! (“We” is not used in the Royal sense, it means you & me & our adversary – the line “But what is Mars?” Maybe I could just STOP writing it, we’ll see).

[5] Navjot Sidhu, cricket commentator God. (I think they’re from the planet Earth, The Cricketing Gods. They belong to the pantheon of Gods known as The Sporting Gods, & the reason I think they’re from Earth is, Who else in the universe would spend their time playing sport? I ask you!!! Who else in the universe would spend their time playing sport? HUMANS!!! You can’t live with ‘em but killing them all doesn’t seem quite right either. Not ALL of them).

[6] Whether this IS ACTUALLY SO OR NO isn’t of importance (in itself) here, what IS OF IMPORTANCE is that you understand IT IS SO for this scene, shovel? (If you get the connected Bennetton play on words humour between “dig” & “shovel” & “Bennetton” & (Ben Elton) we are ready to begin.

- Max Flory